Farther Away
by Cymoril Avalon
Summary: At the end of Battle City, their losses amounted to more than they bargained for. Alone and confused, Shizuka watches her love and wonders what drove them apart, and why life seems to go on without her. AU, implied character death.


Disclaimer: I own neither Yugioh nor Evanescence. Please don't sue, because it's just a waste of time.

Author's Note: ...yeah. This is pretty vague. This WAS an AU songfic to Evanescence's "Farther Away", but the lyrics have been removed per updated guidelines. If you're interested, just look them up, since I still feel the song fits this fic perfectly.

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I watch you pass by, smiling and laughing with your friends. I watch you the way I always watch you, hidden by self-created shadows. I always see you, but you never see me. I reach for you, but you never take my hand. Your gaze slides past me as if I'm not even there, just a lingering shadow on the edge of awareness; I don't really exist. I am one with the shadows, one with the darkness; always hidden away, tucked into the corners of reality against my will and kept from the one I love the most. 

It wasn't always this way. Once, your smiles, your laughter, were directed towards me. Those sparkling blue eyes, dancing with amusement and warmth, would caress my body and cause me to shiver in delight. I hung upon your every gesture, your every word, and I was always hungry for more. Your touches were scant in public, just enough to maintain propriety and keep anyone from suspecting. In private, nothing existed except each other.

I don't know what changed. I don't even think you know what changed. But suddenly you were gone, and there was an intangible barrier between us, keeping me from holding you. No matter how hard I try, I cannot break through, and the softness of your lips is just out of reach. Battle City is over, and now I'm just Jounouchi's kid sister. I'm just another little girl, a specter of a human being that you see right through. It's as if I'm not human anymore.

My mind skirts over memories of Battle City, trailing around the blaring gaps and empty spaces, desperately trying to evade the void threatening to consume me. Battle City was over; that was all I knew, the extent of my knowledge; everything seemed to end there, everything except the present.

I watch you across the schoolyard, my fingers itching to touch your wealth of brown hair, to run through the silken strands and revel in their sweet scent. Your eyes turn towards me – they're still such a vibrant, lively blue – and lock with my own pain-filled amber orbs for the briefest of agonizing moments, making my heart skip a beat. My lips part, my breath is held; have I finally thrown off my shroud and become one with the living again? Do you finally see me?

Your gaze moves on, and I feel as if I was struck through the heart with a dagger. I stagger against the wall, feeling its coolness against me. No, you still do not see me. Why? Why can't you see me, so desperate for your embrace, to be accepted into your arms once more? Why have you forsaken me like this?

I glance down at my pale skin and blink in surprise. Blood. Why is there blood on my hands, covering my wrists, streaming along my arm like a stagnant river? I see cuts, varied and deep, running along my once-perfect skin, marring the smoothness and giving way to the coppery liquid whose scent is so strong in my nose now. Where did it come from? Did I do this to myself?

I glance back up and see you still in the same spot, leaning upon one of your friends and smiling, looking content with your life. Tears fill my eyes as I imagine myself beside you, arms around your waist, leaning upon your strength. I imagine our eyes meeting as we briefly share our little secret, silent words being passed between us that no other could understand. We have a bond, you and I, one that can never be severed.

Why am I trembling? Why do I feel so weak, so lightheaded? I brace myself against the wall and raise one blood-soaked hand to my forehead, smearing the liquid across my skin unknowingly. My vision begins to swim, and I swoon, nearly falling to the ground. It is all I can do to remain upright, fighting against sudden waves of nausea as the blood continues to flow as if fed by an endless torrent.

I push myself away from the wall and stagger towards you, feeling the edges of panic squeeze my rapidly beating heart. I need to touch you, to feel you, to taste you; I need you to see me. The need is overwhelming, and I continue to slowly make my way towards you, leaving a slow trail of blood in my wake.

Your eyes sweep the schoolyard again, but do not rest upon me. The closer I get to you, the farther away you seem, as if the very ground were moving to keep you from me. I shake my head, trying to dispel the spots from my wavering vision, and stumble, falling to my knees in the soft grass. The blood was still flowing; do I really have that much blood in my body? Is it mine? I don't understand, what is going on?

Tears spill down my cheeks. Where are you, onii-chan? I need you to help me up, to help me over to her so that I can be one with her again. Where are you? Why aren't you here with me?

I choke back a sob and push myself to my feet, wobbling unsteadily as I try to focus on you. You still have not moved, though you have shifted away from your friend and now stand of your own accord, your chin held high and your back straight. You shift your stance and even that simple movement is done with the grace of a dancer. My heart nearly bursts with adoration as I watch you.

I don't know how long I stood there watching, but soon you began to move away with the others, away from me, still without a clue that I stood there with a hand out imploringly.

Please. Please see me, please come to me. Why don't you see me?

I stumble after you, and I have nearly caught up. Why is everything swimming again? My blood is everywhere, staining my clothing and my hair and the ground and seemingly the very air. I hold out my hand to you again and notice that my skin is translucent. Panic fills me and I break into a run, throwing myself at you with a silent cry.

I fall through you, landing on the ground heavily. You glance around, your brows furrowed in confusion, but you soon pass it off as the wind and continue on, still smiling, still laughing.

I don't understand.

Don't leave me Anzu…please.

I don't understand.

Anzu, I love you, but I'm fading. I can't hold on anymore.

I don't understand…


End file.
